Well, here I am again, and not much to report since my last very enthusiastic post, which was to serve the dual purpose of recording some history of the creation of my enterprise, as well as to keep me accountable...sooooo....let's keep me accountable! The last couple of weeks have seen me go from being completely sure of my mission to wondering what I was thinking and back again [more than once]. And I guess for anyone with a vision of great change, that would be often the case. So tonight, I post to reassure myself that this is indeed possible, and to remind myself that everyone has times where they doubt themselves.
A very dear friend posted information on her Facebook page recently which included the recommendation [from a researcher] that when self-doubting, one should simply shake their head, as that confuses the brain into not believing the self-doubt. So here I sit, shaking my head and muttering to myself, hoping nobody can actually see me, because if they can, the men in white coats will surely not be too far away!
On the positive side, I am someone who usually does a lot of their creating in their head, well before anything structured goes on paper. To this end, I have certainly put quite a bit of effort into THINKING about the book and getting ideas about what is to be included. All this could get very messy!
Like any good presentation, I must remember not to overload my reader with information - after all what is wrong with presenting a SERIES of books, rather than flooding a first reader with way too much info? Knowing where to stop has always been a problem for me. Consequently my head is full of ideas, of unwritten chapters, of areas that need to be researched. I certainly am going to be in need of a good editor - good thing I know one!
I really need to start listing my ideas, before my sponge of a brain starts to drip out it's overload! I have bought myslef a whiteboard/corkboard combo to get started doing exactly that, and am about to start my list...and I am wondering exactly what has been stopping me so far.
It could be that I am getting distracted [how unusual...not!] by needing to alter and make dresses for people. I was supposed to have stopped that, but suddenly I find myself with four clients - two of whom are brides! I DO want to do these dresses. I am particularly excited about the two non-brides as both of them are people who I care very deeply for and I know they will look amazing in their new dresses.
But I need to be very firm with myself. Right here and now, I need to make a vow that I will not allow myself to be distracted by taking on more sewing. I will make these dresses for my beautiful friends, then THAT IS IT! I will NOT allow myself to be swayed from my vision through drifitng back into the fashion industry - a very tempting prospect as I am very confident and comfortable with my ability to design and make dresses. Perhaps that is why I allow myself to stray back to that path. Perhaps the self-doubt and uncertainty that comes with such a diverse new path scares me, so I am resorting to a comfort zone for some relief from the fear. Or maybe the Universe is allowing me some respite from my doubt by sending these comfortable opportunities my way...or in fact, it could be reminding me to focus!
It is time for me to face that fear, shake away the self-doubt and get on with it. Tonight, I unwrap my boards and note book, and start to turn the ideas currently swarming like angry bees in my head into black and white reality - on a board and in a notebook. Planning was never a strong-point of mine - it is time for that to change. Tonight, the plan starts to materialise. Tonight the drive and focus is back...just got to unpick that hem first.
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