Decision making is a funny game too. You think you have all the information, you think you know all the people involved and their quirks, and you think you'll be fine. You put your trust in them, knowing they will deliver....
Then you realise one day, that it is time you stopped relying on others to do what they said they would.
That waiting around for them to deliver, despite their very valid reasons for not delivering, isn't really an option for you. Because the disappointment of being let down becomes too draining on you.
And that is when it happens.
That is the moment when finally, at a low ebb, when you are wondering who you can trust, who you can really, truly rely upon, it happens.
You realise that the little saying you heard so many years ago actually is true. you know the one -
"If it is to be, it is up to me!"
And you stop waiting.
You stop feeling guilty about even considering other options which you previously regarded as disloyalty.
You re-frame the way you look at life, and the steely determination you always knew existed somewhere deep inside you bursts to the fore.
Yes, it is up to ME.
That doesn't mean I have to do it all by myself.
No, indeed. I have very special and supportive people in my life who I KNOW will be there for me and are dedicated to the same outcomes that I am. I know I am not alone.
But what it does mean, is that when people say they will deliver, I make sure there is a time-frame to that delivery. And if the time-frame is not being met, I look at alternate options. I don't accept valid reasons over and over. I realise when I am no longer someone's priority, and stop being the doormat.
And if they don't like it?
I am not responsible for their actions - or inactions for that matter - they are. If they don't like the fact that I have given up waiting and taken action without them, then I am sorry for them. I am sorry that attempting to gently let them know they are letting me down wasn't enough for them. I am sorry that they chose not to look past their own agenda and see the big picture - to see how the involvement in our projects would have served them too. More-so, I am sorry that they chose to undervalue me, to disrespect my worth, my value to them.
But the greatest disappointment I have, the biggest sorry of all, is I am sorry I didn't step up earlier. I'm sorry I didn't realise earlier that I was not a priority, and not respected. I'm sorry I didn't recognise my own value, my own worth....sorry that I disrespected myself in allowing them to disrespect me. How many times did they tell me not to be a doormat? I wonder, was all this their way of making me finally make the change, and realise that for me, this is the time.
Yes, for me, it is time.
It is time to look after myself. To ensure I am on track for my goals, not being a pawn in someone else's game.
That doesn't mean I wont give or serve any more - to stop that would be to be completely out of alignment with my values. And being out of alignment is something I have chosen to stop doing.
I will continue to give, and to serve, and to be me. I will continue to ensure that I work for the greater good.
What I wont do, is be disrespected or walked over.
And that, my friends, is a very good thing....a very good thing that has taken far too long for me to choose.
For everything there is a time - and this is my time.
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